What is jealousy? Learn to handle them with these tips

Jealousy is a natural human emotion that we have all experienced at some point in our lives. Although it is normal to feel jealous from time to time, when it becomes excessive it can have negative consequences in our relationships.

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is a complex emotion that occurs when we feel that someone we love is paying attention, affection, or interest to another person instead of us. They can manifest in different ways, from a mild feeling of discomfort to an intense feeling of anxiety and anger. Basically jealousy is an emotional response to the perceived threat of losing something valuable, such as a love relationship, friendship or even work.

Why does jealousy occur?

Jealousy can be caused by a variety of factors, such as a lack of self-confidence, insecurity, fear of abandonment, among others. 

Often, jealousy is also related to our perception of our partner or the situation. For example, if we have a preconceived idea that our partner is unfaithful, we are more likely to feel jealous even in harmless situations.

Also, jealousy can be caused by past experiences, such as being cheated on or betrayed in previous relationships. Anxiety, depression, and other emotional problems can also increase the likelihood of feeling jealous.

What problems can jealousy cause us?

Excessive jealousy can have negative consequences in our relationships, such as loss of trust in our partner, distrust in ourselves, emotional distancing, and the possibility of a breakup.

Here is a more detailed list of the problems that jealousy can cause us.

1. Loss of trust: Jealousy can cause a person to lose trust in their partner and in themselves. This can lead to a deterioration of the relationship, even if there is no real reason for the mistrust.
2. Communication issues: People who experience jealousy often have a hard time communicating effectively with their partner. They may feel that they cannot express their feelings clearly or may overreact to situations that could easily be resolved with effective communication.
3. Controlling behavior : Jealousy can also lead to controlling behavior, such as constantly monitoring your partner or forbidding them to do things that might be considered normal.
4. Anxiety and stress: Jealousy can cause anxiety and stress, which can affect a person's physical and mental health.

What types of jealousy exist?

There are different types of jealousy, each with its own characteristics and motivations. Next, we will describe some of the most common:

1. Jealousy in a partner: This type of jealousy occurs when a person feels that their partner is paying attention to another person. They can be caused by a lack of trust in your partner or in yourself, and can manifest in a variety of ways, from discomfort to anxiety to anger.
2. Children's jealousy : Refers to feelings of envy and competition that children experience when they feel that another child or adult is receiving more attention or affection than they are. It manifests itself in different ways, such as the desire to have the same toys as other children, the need to be the center of attention, or even resentment towards a sibling or close friend.
3. Jealousy at work : This jealousy occurs when a person feels that their colleague or co-worker receives more attention or recognition. This type of jealousy can be caused by competition and the need to feel valued in the workplace.
4. Self-actualization jealousy: The celSelf-actualization goals are those that arise when you compare yourself with your partner or other people and feel that you are at a disadvantage compared to them in terms of achievements, goals, and abilities. This jealousy occurs when you have low self-esteem and feel that you are not reaching your own goals and dreams.
5. Pathological jealousy: These types of jealousy are extremely intense and persistent and can be very damaging to you and your relationship. If you are pathologically jealous, you may feel an obsessive need to control your partner, and your jealous thoughts and feelings may be blown out of proportion and not in line with reality.

How do I fight partner jealousy?

If you feel that your jealousy is negatively affecting your relationship, it's important to take steps to combat it. Here are some strategies you can use to reduce your jealousy:

Work on your self esteem

Jealousy often stems from a lack of self-confidence. Try to work on your self-esteem so that you feel more confident about yourself and your relationship.

Learn to trust

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you don't trust your partner, your jealousy will likely escalate. Try to work on trust in your partner and in yourself.

Communicate your feelings clearly and respectfully

If you're feeling jealous, it's important to talk to your partner openly and honestly. But make sure you do it respectfully and without attacking your partner. Communication is key to solving problems and preventing jealousy from becoming a bigger problem.

Learn to control your thoughts

Jealousy usually arises from negative and irrational thoughts. Try to identify these thoughts and change them to more positive and realistic ones. 

First you must ask yourself questions like: Why do I feel this way? What makes me feel jealous? What is the worst case scenario I am imagining? Once you identify these thoughts, try to replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

For example, if you're jealous because your partner is talking to someone else, try to think that it doesn't necessarily mean your partner is romantically interested in that person.

Avoid situations that make you feel jealous

If there are specific situations that trigger your jealousy, try to avoid them as much as possible. For example, if you feel jealous when your partner is out with friends, try to find ways to distract yourself or find activities you can do together instead.

Seek support

Talk to trusted friends or family members about your feelings of jealousy. Sometimes just talking to someone who will listen and support you can go a long way.

Seek professional help

If your jealousy is very intense and is affecting your daily life, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you work on your trust issues and improve your interpersonal relationships.

If you want to know if you are jealous in your relation we invite you to take our test.