Why do we idealize someone and how to avoid this emotional trap?

It is natural that at some point in our lives we have put someone on a pedestal and idealized them. However, this behavior, while common, can be detrimental to both us and our relationships. But why do we have this tendency to idealize others?

In our society, we often put those we admire on a pedestal, whether they are celebrities, public figures, close friends, or even members of our own family. However, excessive idealization can have negative consequences for our self-esteem and our interpersonal relationships. Today we want to explore the reasons behind this idealizing trend and provide practical advice on how to avoid falling into the emotional trap of over idealizing . We will discover how to recognize if we are idealizing someone and how we can avoid it to maintain healthier and more authentic relationships.

What does it mean to idealize someone?

Idealizing someone means putting them on a pedestal, seeing them as perfect, and magnifying their positive qualities while ignoring or minimizing their flaws. The idealized person becomes a role model, and we tend to project our own expectations and desires onto them. It is important to keep in mind that this idealization distorts our perception of reality and prevents us from seeing the whole person.

Why do we tend to idealize people?

There are several reasons why we tend to idealize people. Here we will explore some of the most common:

1. Low Self-Esteem : When we have low self-esteem, we are more likely to idealize others as a way of compensating for our own insecurities. We see in them the qualities we want to have, and we believe that if we get close enough to them, we too will be worthy of admiration.
2. We are starting a love relationship : In the initial stages of a romantic relationship, it is common to idealize the other person. We focus on its positive aspects and tend to overlook its flaws. This can lead us to create an idealized image of the person, which can become problematic as the relationship progresses and we face the reality of their imperfections.
3. Fantasy : Idealization can arise from our own imagination and fantasy. We create an idealized image of someone based on our desires and dreams, without regard to reality. This can especially happen when we don't know the person well enough and rely on unrealistic assumptions and expectations.
4. Need to fit in : Sometimes we idealize someone to fit into a certain social group or follow the norms imposed by society. We feel pressured to admire and follow certain public figures or idealize certain people in order to feel accepted and part of something bigger.
5. Fear of intimacy : Idealization can be a way to protect ourselves from the fear of emotional intimacy. By putting someone on a pedestal and not seeing their imperfections, we avoid facing the possibility of being hurt or disappointed in a close relationship. However, this attitude also distances us from a real and authentic connection with others.
6. The search for perfection : Many times we idealize people because we seek perfection in our own lives. We admire those who seem to have everything under control and achieve success in all areas. However, it's important to remember that no one is perfect and everyone has their own internal struggles and challenges, even those who seem to have it all figured out.
7. Influence of the media : The media play a significant role in the idealization of people. The carefully selected images and the narrative built around public figures can make us believe that they lead perfect lives free of problems. It is essential to remember that what we see in the media does not always reflect the full reality of a person.
8. Projection of Desires and Expectations : By idealizing someone, we often project our own desires and expectations onto them. We create an idealized image based on what we want them to be, instead of accepting their human nature with virtues and flaws. It is important to recognize that each individual is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses.

How do I know if I'm idealizing a person?

Identifying if you are romanticizing someone can be an important step in avoiding falling into the emotional trap. Here are some signs that you might be idealizing someone:

1. You ignore or do not assume their defects : If you find it difficult to recognize or accept someone's defects and imperfections, it is likely that you are idealizing them. No one is perfect, and it's important to see people as a whole, including their strengths and weaknesses.
2. You feel intimidated by the person : If you constantly feel intimidated or inferior when you are around someone, you may idealize them. It is important to remember that we are all human beings and that each one has their own path and rate of growth.
3. Unreasonable expectations : If you have created unreasonable expectations about what a person should be like or how they should behave, it is likely that you are idealizing them. Remember that we are all unique and have our own ways of being and acting.
4. Emotional dependence : If you feel a strong emotional dependence on someone and you believe that only that person can make you happy or complete you, it is likely that you idealize him. It is important to develop a healthy self-esteem and learn to be happy on your own.
5. You overlook your own needs : If you are willing to sacrifice your own needs and desires for the sake of pleasing someone or maintaining their approval, you are likely idealizing that person. Remember that your needs are also important and you must take them into account.
6. You ignore your feelings or limits : If you constantly ignore your own feelings or limits in order to please someone or maintain their idealized image, it is likely that you are falling into the trap of idealization. Learn to listen and respect your own needs and emotions.

How to avoid idealization?

Avoiding the idealization trap can be a gradual process, but with practice and awareness, you can do it. Here are some practical tips to avoid idealization:

1. Recognize the humanity of people : Remember that we are all human beings with our own imperfections and internal struggles. Accept both your own imperfections and those of others. Nobody is perfect, and that's okay.
2. Value your own qualities : Instead of focusing on what others have and you don't, identify your own strengths and achievements. Recognize your own worth and work on developing your talents and abilities. Learn to appreciate yourself and recognize your own potential.
3. Look for inspiration instead of idealization : Instead of idealizing a person as a whole, identify specific traits or actions that inspire you. You can admire certain qualities in someone without idealizing their whole person. Use those aspects as motivation for your own personal growth.
4. Fosters Realistic Relationships : Cultivate relationships based on mutual respect and acceptance of others as whole human beings. Avoid setting unrealistic expectations of people and allow them to show their authenticity. Learn to love and accept people as they are, with their strengths and weaknesses.
5. Learn to set limits : Setting healthy limits is essential to avoid idealization. Learn to say "no" when necessary and to set clear boundaries in your relationships. Remember that your needs and well-being are important and deserve to be respected.

Idealizing people can be tempting, but it's important to be aware of its negative consequences. By acknowledging our own humanity and that of others, valuing our own qualities, seeking inspiration rather than idealization, fostering realistic relationships, and learning to set boundaries, we can avoid falling into the emotional trap of over-idealization. Let's remember that we are all imperfect human beings and that what really matters is cultivating genuine relationships and accepting ourselves and others as we are.